Affirmations affirmed.

It’s midnight here in my ancestral home by the beach and I already feel hunger which is supposed to be for breakfast. Before finally retiring beside my daughter who is in her deep slumber I decided it is better that I write my thoughts or it might slip with the other thousand substantial feelings that I have failed to write.

I am 27, a great age. I guess this age is really the beginning of my golden age. I am a woman now. I have passed my childhood and teenage-hood with quite amazing experiences that has mold me into a woman that I am. I do consider myself as seasoned. I am quite assured that only a few things could bring me down. Well, compared to years before, I have my security. I have a job that teaches me well, lovely friends that listens to both my bullshits and wisdom and of course I share love with my daughter. There are other securities that I am yet to conquer and I am up to achieving them.

Funny thing is, when I was younger, I thought finding a man that carries the same passion and enormous love to share like I do would complete me. Well, maybe it would, if I am needy of that. Now, no more, I have a different sense of need.

Self-worth is something that took me a long time to learn to consider giving myself. I did not really feel any worth from my own family, perhaps that is the reason why it took years and many heart breaking experiences before I could realize what it exactly means to me.

I may have many experiences, some are good and most are bad. But they are just all experiences. They don’t matter if you do not have the ability to sift them or filter them carefully to decide which is worth remembering and keeping as lessons. I had good ones that made me into a sensitive and pro-active person. I am lucky enough that I had them because I know others would just listen to stories a person like me can tell. And all those filtered experiences no matter some of them brought me to tears (even death), they were considerably beautiful.

I guess I have also learned contentment for what I currently have. I think it starts from there. I do not feel the pressure of having a boyfriend or to be married someday. Being alone doesn’t mean you are lonely. I am still a young woman and I have a lot of wonderful experiences waiting for me. This I guess what makes me lucky, I have the freedom to choose and do what I want. Now I want to develop myself. I want to know that I am improving. I don’t think marriage will give me this. I am also sure that if I have an exclusive relationship right now, the person would have the feeling of being rightful that his permission is needed or worse would decide for me. I have no one to compromise with but me. At least I have less the hassle.

No, I am not saying that I am luckier than women who are already bound to their marriages and motherhood. I am a mother myself and I still co-exist with men. What I am trying to say is, it doesn’t mean that you are a single woman/mother, alone in facing the challenges of life is a pitiful sight. It’s all up to oneself to decide whether you are on the victim lane or the bold lane. The victim lane spells pity so eloquently while the bold lane puts it as an opportunity for learning.

I am not a superwoman. I am not perfect. In fact, lately I have seen myself committing mistakes one after another. I also have fears. Sometimes other people have to call my attention while gradually I have learned to call my own attention. Perhaps and I hope I am right to say that this is a normal phase when you are learning more about yourself, your surrounding and finding a road to harmony. I guess mistakes are my way to learn and change for the better. Fears are my buzzers to bravery. Both leads to confidence.

I have not given up the idea of finding a scholarship and other means to learn more. I am also hoping I will get the stint at the bat cave and other meaningful organizations that I can contribute to improve. This is what I love. I love to see that something is being built and that I am a part of it. Maybe that is the reason why the status quo I held before had to stop, maybe because those would only stagnate me.

Now I see it clearly, there are indeed sub-stages in life. I have just left my adult teenage-hood and now I am in my young womanhood. Who says I am old? I am young and free. That’s where the spirit of people with substance comes from. This isn’t just an affirmation.

This is what it feels tobe affirmed.